SCENE 1
SETTING: A GEM OF AQUAMARINE FALLS FROM THE SKY. (QUE SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC).
RAWLINS: WAIT, MY FRIENDS! ALAS! HARKEN! THE VILLAGE DEFEANS ME QUAINTLY! I ADJURE THEE OMENS OF THE WEST!
BIFFUR BOTTOMS: I HAVE A BUN GUN. YOU HAVE EYE FACE. AND YOU HAVE FACE BUNS.
THE GEM DISAPPEARS WHENCE IT CAME.
DICKELDOT: GREETINGS FAIR RAWLINS, THOU ART A MAIDEN OF SNOW! LOVE COVERED IN CHOCOLATE.
RAWLINS: i used to be president until i got bored. now im supreme king turbo lordion.
POG-POG: WHAT DOES A MYSTIC NUT DO?
DICKELDOT: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM.
POG-POG: THE TOILET.
RAWLINS: WHY ARE WE ALL IN MY BATHROOM? AND STOP FLOSSING YOUR BUTT WITH MY BUTT FLOSS.
DICKELDOT: WHAT IS THIS. AND WHAT ARE THESE. AND WHY ARE THOSE THERE. THIS? THAT IS WHAT?
DICKELDOT FLUSHED HIMSELF WHENCE HE CAME.
RAWLINS: THOU ART AS WELCOME AS A STAG BEAST IN MY HOME.
RAWLINS SHAKES HANDS WITH POG-POG AND THEY TOUCH NOSES.
POG-POG: IF TWO STONES OF THE SAME COLOR TOUCH THEY EXPLODE.
POG-POG BEGAN TO SIT ON THE TOILET. THEN HE SAT ON THE TOILET. HE THEN BEGAN TO PUSH VERY STRONGLY AS IF SOME FORCE NEEDED TO BE EXPLUNGED FROM HIS BODY. THEN THERE ERUPTED SUCH A FLAP OF AIR THAT WOULD SHAME A TORNADO TO BITS.
RAWLINS: WOW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST PUSHING IN VAIN.
POG-POG: I JUST PASSED A QUIGGLE STONE.
setting: all of the pals are discussing people they dont' know.
hoar-hoar: I like the comedian Marv Scroatch. His catch phrase is, "i were at scones!" and "horse nipples!"
Corncock wilps: blow it out your gullet hole.
Peenusto Crawkins: i want to tape your mouth shut you dumbo corncock wilps, how rude of you to say those words.
Billy Wrinkle and the Bean Pole
SETTING: BILLY WRINKLE IS A POOR LAD WHO LIVES ON A TOAD FARM. HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD, HIS CATS ARE DEAD AND HIS IS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING DEAD.
BILLY WRINKLE: OH PLEASE LIFE, PLEASE END.
THEN A BEAM OF LIGHT ERUPTS DOWN FROM THE SKY AND SMELL OF EGGS FILLS THE ROOM. A RIPPLING FAT MAN WITH WINGS FLOATS DOWN ON A RAINBOW INTO THE ROOM.
BILLY WRINKLE: WHO ARE YOU?
SHANUS MANUS: I AM SHANUS MANUS. I HAVE COME HERE TO COLLECT YOUR ELECTRICITY BILL.
BILLY WRINKLE TURNED OUT HIS POCKETS AND THEY WERE EMPTY EXCEPT FOR ABOUT NINETY BANDAIDS.
SHANUS MANUS: HAH! NO IM JUST KIDDING. IM HERE TO KILL YOUR DOG.
SHANUS MANUS KICKED BILLY WRINKLE'S DOG OUT ONTO THE HORIZON AND THEY JUST HEARD THIS HUGE SPLATTER SOUND OFF IN THE DISTANCE.
SHANUS MANUS: SEE YA IN HELL PUP!
SHANUS MANUS DISAPPEARED WHENCE HE CAME BUT THE STENCH OF EGGS REMAINED. THEN BILLY WRINKLE DIED. HE WAS TOO POOR TO HAVE A GRAVE SO HE JUST PUT HIS SHOES ON TOP OFF HIM WHEN HE DIED.
SETTING: ALL OF THE PALS ARE ROBBING A BANK. MOST OF THEM HAVE ALREADY DIED IN A MASSIVE GUN FIGHT.
BREENSTORE THE WILD: IF EVER I HAD SEEN A WITCH WITH BEAUTIFUL EYES, IT WAS NOW.
KEEN-KEEN: SAY FELLAS AND FELLARINOS, BY CHANCE WILL YOU ALL WHISK ME OFF INTO YOUR ARMS LIKE A FAIR MAIDEN?
BANK SECURITY GUARD: WHY DO YOU TAKE THE TIME TO STOP AND CHAT WHILE YOU ARE ROBBING THE BANK, AND WHY DO YOU ALL SAY YOUR NAMES OUT LOUD BEFORE YOU SPEAK?
MOT-MOT: FRAGGLEROCK WAS A SHOW.
APPRENTICE APE: GREEEEEEED IS WHAT GREEEEEED IS WHAT!
SIGMONDOUS THE FRON: INSTEAD OF ROBBING THIS BANK, LETS ROB THE PEOPLE OUTSIDE AND PUT THEIR MONEY IN THE BANK VAULT WHERE IT WILL BE SAFE.
CROCKPOT: OR INSTEAD WE COULD SKIN YOU ALIVE AND ROLL YOUR SKIN INTO SOFTSHELL TACOS AND MAKE CHALUPAS OUT OF YOUR CROTCH.
PEE BONES: I WANT A CHALUPA PLEASE, AND HOLD THE CROTCH.
PEE BONES WAS HOLDING HIS OWN CROTCH AND ALSO JEFFY'S CROTCH.
BRINE-BRINE: EXTRA CROTCH ON MINE PLEASE.
STEADY STEVEN THE WINKING TOAD: I WILL ALLOW EACH OF YOU TO ASK ME A SINGLE QUESTION, AND I WILL ANSWER IT WITH A LIE EACH TIME.
ALL OF THE PALS LINED UP TO ASK HIM QUESTIONS AND SPIT.
POWED-POWED: RIDDLE ME THIS! WHAT HAS THE ANGER OF TEN RHINOS AND THE SOFT LOVEABLE PUFFETS OF A SANGRINE MOTH?
STEADY STEVEN THE WINKING TOAD: ALL OF THE ABOVE
MEESTY-PEENY: AHOY! RIDDLE ME THIS! WHAT IS IN MY POCKET BESIDES AN ELONGATED TOOTH AND FOUR PACKS OF POKEMON CARDS?
STEADY STEVEN THE WINKING TOAD: PART OF YOUR FATHERS UMBILICAL CHORD A MIX TAPE OF FLUTE SOLOS
KING-KING: RIDDLE ME THIS! WHAT IS MY WORSTEST FEAR BESIDES BEING NUDE IN A VOLCANO?
STEADY STEVEN THE WINKING TOAD: BEING FULLY CLOTHED IN A VOLCANO.
ALL OF THE PALS WERE SLAIN BY A HORSE.
SETTING: APEY WINGSTON IS RUNNING A TRIATHALON FULLY NUDE TO THE DISCUST OF HIS PAROLE OFFICER.
CHRISM CATSTEAM: I WORK IN AN UNDERWEAR FACTORY. I CAN GET YOU FREE BRIEFS.
ACTUALLY CHRISM CATSTEAM WAS UNEMPLOYED AND HAD NEVER WORN BRIEFS IN HIS LIFE. A FEW MINUTES LATER HE WAS TRAMPLED BY VAMPIRES. NONE OF THE PALS EVER OWNED UNDERPANTS AGAIN, IN HONOR OF CHRISM CATSTEAM.
THE END.