Step One: Attire
In order to be an idiot, you first must look like an idiot. This is not as easy as it sounds. A bit too much idiocy and you might end up in prison. First you must construct a helmet. Making your helmet from multicolored legos is highly recommended. Whatever you make your helmet out of, make sure you duct tape it to your head. Secondly, idiots always carry extra equipment. Grab an old pair of binoculars and never take them off your neck, and always look through them, even if what you are looking at is near you. Grab an empty cage of some sort. Never put it down, and never discuss it. Next, find an old pair of zubas and a tight sports team shirt, preferable the montreal expos or milwaukee brewers. If those are not available find some of those one-peice pajamas with the feet attached, but dont zip them up all the way - just like Mr. Rogers. If you wear the pajamas, find some sort of big flashy gold chain like a rap star would have. It seems to bring a big of mystery to the outfit. Fine a pair of old water wings and put them on over your shirt. Whenver you come into site of water start flapping your arms and crying. Idiots wear socks and sandals at the same time, but only if the socks have stripes on them.
Idiot Slide Show
Images taken from UglyPeople.com and one of my favorite sites
A few other ideas:
carve yourself some wooden teeth
create a fake tail, preferabley out of a real animal tail.
grow a neck beard, that is shave everything except for your neck.
wear a cowboy hat. cowboys are always idiots.
refuse to wear anything that you didnt sew yourself.
add puff paint and glitter to your wardrobe.
carry a sword.
wear pajamas all day, then when you go to bed put on a suit and tie.
cut a hole in your pants for "easier urination".
Step Two: Attitude
Idiots enjoy it when people hate them. Idiots dont care about laws. Remember these two things at all times.
Step Three: Aspire
Idiots have aspirations. Think up some personal goals you want to accomlish. These goals must have something to do with being nude in public or else creating laws against pants. No exceptions.
Step four: Actions
hire some friends to follow you around and before you enter a room, have them go in first and start making rap beats, then moonwalk into the room.
Always talk about different types of pies that you want to bake such as criminal pies, super pies, idiot pies and muscle pies. Then use them as verbs. For example, if someone is mean to you, reply with "you just baked me a bastard pie" or "did you forget to set the timer? cuz your attitude pie is overcooked".
sprint wherever you go.
Find a large crowd of people, preferably a crowd that is having a serious discussion. Come up and say, "Attention!" Then wait til everyone is totally quiet. Then say "does anybody have any plants that I can eat?" Then start shaking uncontrollably and take your pants off.
take a vote wherever you go on everything you do. Make sure those around you have a democratic say on which shoe you tie first.
never stop crying
drive either a moped or a golf cart. For younger idiots, pogo sticks are recommended.
idiots are scared of everything. especially birds and carrots.
buy grandchildren
collect lunchboxes
Get a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.
clap whenever someone talks
try to predict the future, but always end up predicting things that have already happened, and always have your predictions include aberham lincoln.
Ask people what gender they are.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Holler random numbers out
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Favorite Phrases:
"You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
