SETTING: ALL OF THE PALS NEED DIAPER RASH.
LARGE LUKE: MAN IS MY REAR SWOLLEN. IT'S THE SIZE OF A SOFA!
HE LOOKED OVER AND NOTICED THREE OLD MEN SITTING ON HIS REAR READING NEWSPAPERS.
HORL-HORL: MY APES ARE RUNNING WILD! I CAN'T CONTROL THEM ANY MORE!
ALFREDO: APES ARE TASTY WITH OLIVES.
JUST THEN, ALFREDO MORHPED INTO A NINJA AND FLOATED AWAY.
PASTA-PASTA: EVERYBODY RUN! THE APES ARE HUNGRY!
THE APES WERE DARK GREEN AND HOPPING AND SQUEALING ALL AROUND. THEY WERE DROOLING AND SLOBBERING ALL OVER THE FURNITURE IN COCOA MAN'S HOME.
COCOA MAN: AHH! UNFORTUNATELY I COLLECT ASSORTED TASERS AND LASER SWORDS. IT LOOKS AS THOUGHT THE APES HAVE BEEN THROUGH A WEAPONS TRAINING COURSE.
HOTH-HOTH: YUP! THEY SURE HAVE. THEY WERE MY BEST STUDENTS. BUT THEY SURE DID POOP IN MY HAIR A LOT!
STEAMY BILL: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES FELLAS!!!
THE APES WERE THRASHING OFF THEIR ARMS WITH THEIR WEAPONS. SOON ALL THAT WAS LEFT OF THE PALS WERE THEIR TORSOS.
FROTHING HOG: MY PANCAKES ARE ROOTING FOR THE OTHER TEAM! LOOSEN MY SHOES MY FACE IS ON FIRE!
JUST THEN A SICK MAN WITH GREASY HAIR CAME IN. HE HAD A HAWAIIAN SHIRT ON. IT WAS PINK. HE HAD A BOOMBOX AND IT WAS PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC. HIS SHIRT SAID "RICKY IS A ROCKET." RICKY NOTICED ALL OF THE TORSOS LAYING ON THE GROUND.
RICKY: I KNOW WHAT WILL CHEER UP YOU MATES! I'LL DANCE FOR YOU! PUMP IT BOYS!
ALL THE PALS HELD THEIR BREATH UNTIL THEY DIED. THEY WERE MUCH HAPPIER.
SETTING: THE PALS HAVE DISCOVERED A BOX OF FLAVORED WORMS.
GORGEOUS TIM: I AM BEAUTIFUL. I WON THE LITTLE MISS PRINCESS PAGEANT.
WILLY WANER: DO ANY OF YOU JOKES HAVE ANY UNUSUAL HABITS?
SPANISH RUDOLPHO: WHENEVER I HEAR THE WORD "TACOS FOR BILL", MY SKIN SHRIVELS UP AND I CANNOT BREATHE. I USUALLY DIE.
FLAMING POTTY: WHENEVER IT IS TUESDAY, I SPEND ALL DAY MAKING SUITS OUT OF PLYWOOD.
MICK-MICK: I COLLECT SOILED MAIL. I SIMPLY MUST. WHENEVER I FIND CLEAN MAIL, I SOIL IT.
GORGORATH THE DESTROYER: I ALWAYS TAKE OFF PEOPLE'S SCALPS.
HANK-HANK: I REMOVE THE LIVER FROM ALL OF MY COUSINS AND I PUT A MODEL AIRPLANE IN ITS PLACE.
FLY AWAY PHIL: I CANNOT STOP DRAWING BUTTS ON MY FOREHEAD!!! BUTTTTTS!!!
HULK HOGAN: I KEEP SEEING BEEF WHENEVER MY MOTHER COMES INTO TOWN.
FARMING HORSE: WHEN I WAKE UP, I RUN STRAIGHT TO THE LIBRARY TO EAT BOOKS. THEN I TAKE OFF MY PANTS.
POLYESTER MEL: I STYLE MY UNDER ARM HAIR WITH A STYLING STICK.
GLASS WIZARD: I CONTINUE TO FOLLOW MY HEART.
MUHODIUM: I HATE YOU GUYS! THAT'S MY HOBBY.
MUHODIUM WHIPPED OUT HIS AXE AND CUT OFF THEIR HANDS AND FEET. HE SHOVED THEIR BLOODY FEET INTO THEIR EARS AND THEIR HANDS INTO THEIR EYES. HE REMOVED THEIR BRAINS WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND THEN TIED THEIR BODIES TO THE BACK OF HIS CAR. HE DROVE OFF INTO THE SUNSET SEARCHING FOR ROMANCE.
SETTING: ALL OF THE PALS ARE DAMAGING EACH OTHER'S HOMES.
GORGORATH THE DESTROYER: YES! I HATE THIS HOME! HERE COMES THE FIRE!
GORGORATH SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE AND WATCHED ABOUT THIRTY CATS COME POPPING OUT LIKE POPCORN.
LOVE-A-SAURUS: YEEEAAAhh!! I TURNED MY ARMS INTO JACK HAMMERS! POW! POW! PUPUPUPOW!
LOVE-A-SAURUS POUNDED AN ENORMOUS HOLE INTO SMILER'S HOUSE. HIS ARMS RIPPED OFF AND HAMMERED HIS SKULL INTO THE EARTH.
NAKED BIRD: NEEEK!
HORL-HORL: HEY DUDES! CHECK OUT THIS ACTION! THERE'S A BLUE BLOB BOUNCING DOWN THE STREET! THIS SHOULD BE COOL, NO MATTER WHAT IT DOES!
A BLUE, BLUBBERY BALL BOUNCED DOWN THE ROAD AND SPLATTERED ONTO A CAR.
HORL-HORL: NEVERMIND.
CARMELLY CALVIN: HAVE ANY OF YOU NORKS HAD ANY UNUSUAL DREAMS?
PORTIS-PORTIS: YES INDEED. I HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS A BASKETBALL PLAYER.
PIRATE BILKOS: ARRRRG! INDEED LAD! 'TWAS ONE NIGHT I WAS DEEP AT SEA. I DREAMED THAT I WAS ON AN ISLAND OF WATER! THERE WAS ENOUGH BARNACLES TO FEED THE BLOODY CREW! 'TWAS LIKE HEAVEN AT SEA. YES, 'TWAS! ARRRRRRRRUUUUUUUBA! RUBA!
THEY ALL STARED AT PIRATE BILKOS AS HIS SKIN TURNED GRAY AND HE DUG HIMSELF A GRAVE TO DIE IN.
CROCKPOT: I ONCE DREAMED THAT I COULDN'T FALL ASLEEP. THEN WHEN I WOKE UP, I COULDN'T WAKE UP!
PARTY HOGS: WE WANK MEAT! HONK! HONK!
KRUGER: I DREAMED THAT I HAD TO KISS ABE LINCOLN BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE A FACE, HE HAD A WOODEN TREE STUMP INSTEAD. I DON'T REMEMBER THE REST OF THE DREAM BUT ABE AND I GOT MARRIED AND LIVED ON TOP OF A RAINBOW.
NUMB CAKES: I HAD A NIGHTMARE THAT SOCCER BECAME A POPULAR SPORT. IT WAS HORRIFYING!!!
NUMB CAKES WAS ALL SWEATY AND HE HAD THE CHILLS.
MICK-MICK: I ONCE HAD A DREAM THAT EVERYONE ON EARTH HAD ARMS AND LEGS THAT CAME OFF. WE ALL KEPT TRADING LIMBS UNTIL WE GOT BORED. THEN WE ALL PUT LEGS WHERE ARE ARMS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AND WALKED UP THE WALLS.
MICK-MICK NOTICED HE HAD NO ARMS OR LEGS. THEN HE REALIZED HE WAS IN THE BELLY OF A WHALE.
RUDY ROOTBEER: I HAD A DREAM THAT A GIANT SNAIL WAS TICKLING ME WITH ITS TOUNGE. IT HAD A FEATHERY TOUNGE THAT GLOWED IN THE DARK. I TRIED TO TICKLE HIM BACK WITH MY OWN FEATHERY TOUNGE, BUT IT WAS NO USE. I DIED IN MY DREAM, AND IN REAL LIFE.
ALFREDO: I ONCE DREAMED THAT THE EARTH WAS MADE OF LASAGNA AND I ATE EVERYTHING UP. WAIT, THAT WASN'T A DREAM.
ALFREDO REALIZED THAT HE HAD EATEN THE EARTH.
ALFREDO: OH WELL!
SETTING: ALL OF THE PALS ARE TRYING TO GET HEAD LICE.
ANOTHER MAN: I'D SELL MY HIDE FOR JUST ONE GANDER AT THAT MUPPET.
JUST THEN A MAN IN A TIGHT SUIT WITH A BREIFCASE CAME IN.
POOPING PILLS: HI, I'D LIKE TO HIRE SOME PEOPLE THAT KNOW GOOD FORMS OF TORTURE. DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND GOOD TORTURE WORKERS?
THEY ALL BLINKED THEIR EYES AND CRIED, FOR THAT WAS THE JOB OF THEIR DREAMS.
GORGORATH THE DESTROYER: I WET MY PANTS I'M SO HAPPY. AND MY HAIR.
POOPING PILLS: OK ALL I NEED YOU TO DO IS TELL ME THE FORM OF TORTURE AND THEN RATE IT ONE TO TEN FOR HOW BAD THE TORTURE IS.
MICK-MICK: HOW ABOUT IF SOMEONE WALKED IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE YOU WERE WATCHING TV. THEY PULLED DOWN THEIR PANTS AND FARTED IN YOUR FACE. GREEN GLUE SPLATTERED OUT OF THEIR BUTT AND STUCK TO YOUR FACE AND YOU WERE NEVER ABLE TO REMOVE IT. I'D RATE THAT A SEVEN.
TIMMY THE DONKEY: WHAT IF YOU WENT DOWN A SLIDE OF SANDPAPER ON YOUR STOMACH WITH NO PANTS ON. THEN BATHED IN TOBASCO SAUCE. ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS BAD TO YOUR WILLY CAUSES THE RATING TO BE AN AUTOMATIC TEN.
PORKY-PORKY: WHAT IF SOMEONE SEWED A HOSE FROM YOUR BUTTHOLE TO YOUR MOUTH. WHENEVER YOU POOPED, IT WOULD GO STRAIGHT INTO YOUR MOUTH. I'D RATE THAT A THREE BECAUSE I WOULD KIND OF LIKE THAT.
POOP ROLLER: NOPE IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
POOP ROLLER ALREADY HAD A HOSE FROM HIS MOUTH TO HIS BUTT.
SAUCY JAKE: WHAT IF YOU HAD TO WATCH SOCCER, LISTEN TO COUNTRY MUSIC, AND DRINK SURGE ALL DAY LONG.
EVERYONE: AHHHHH! THAT'S HORRIBLE. I'D RATE THAT AN ELEVEN!!!
COCOA MONSTER: WHAT IF YOU HAD TO HAVE SMURFS KISS YOUR FEET ALL DAY.
PAPA: CUTE.
LOGARYTHM: SMURFS HAVE SHARP LIPS. I'D GIVE IT A NINE.
CANOE SHORTS: WHOA! WHAT IF YOU FELL INTO AN OUTHOUSE AND COULD ONLY SURVIVE BY EATING THE FRESH POOP THAT FELL FROM THE HEAVENS. I GIVE IT A TWO BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE KIND OF A PRIVELAGE.
POOPING PILLS: THANKS GUYS. YOU ARE ALL GOING INTO THE HALL OF FAME FOR PEOPLE WITH GAS.
THEY ALL FAINTED AND THEN BIT OFF THEIR FINGERS.