SETTTING: ALL OF THE PALS ARE IN SCHOOL. IT SUCKS
TEACHER MISS BUNTHWACKER: ALL RIGHT. EVERYONE TAKE OUT YOUR STORY NOTEBOOKS.
THEY GROANED AND TWISTED THEIR HEADS.
MISS BUNTHWACKER: YOU WILL BE WORKING IN PARTNERS ON A STORY WITH A MORAL. THE CHARACTERS LIVE ON AN ISLAND. GET INTO GROUPS AND START WORKING.
RRRUBEN AND VELCRO LAD WERE WORKING TOGETHER.
RRRUBEN: ALRRRIGHT. A BOY NAMED WHUMBUS GETS KILLED BECAUSE HE DIDN'T PAY HIS BILLS. THE MORAL IS SHOOT PEOPLE BEFORE THEY CAN KILL YOU.
VELCRO LAD BEGAN TO ILLUSTRATE THE STORY WITH DIFFERENT TYPES OF WEAPONS.
BRUTUS AND ESPECHO WERE PARTENERS.
ESPECHO: OURS WILL BE A STORY ABOUT KIDS ON AN ISLAND WITH A MURDERER. THE HERO IS NAMED EARS. WE ARE AT THE DRAMATIC PART WHERE HE IS TALKING ABOUT WHO THE KILLER IS.
BRUTUS: HOW ABOUT EARS GETS HIS ARMS CHOPPED OFF BY A LIZARD.
ESPECHO: NO. HE WILL BE ENEMIES WITH HIS BROTHER INSTEAD.
BRUTUS: HIS BROTHER GETS HIS ARMS CUT OFF BY THE MURDERER.
ESPECHO: NO. NEITHER WILL BE INJURED. THEY REALLY HATE THE MURDERER. EARS WILL SAY, "MY FRIENDS, THE MURDERER IS JACOB..."
BRUTUS: "THE MURDERER IS JACOB AND I HAVE NO ARMS."
ESPECHO: NO!
SUDDENLY FOR SOME REASON THEY HAD NO ARMS, JUST BLOODY STUMPS WHERE THEIR BELOVED LIMBS HAD BEEN.
BEARD-BEARD AND ZIGMONDOUS AND BEARD-BEARD'S BEARD WERE PARTENERS.
ZIGMONDOUS: IN OUR STORY THEY CRASH LAND ON AN ISLAND AND LIVE THERE FOR YEARS. THEN THEY FIND OUT THAT THE ISLAND IS ACTUALLY WATER AND THE OCEAN IS MADE OF DIRT SO THEY WALK HOME.
BEARD-BEARD: SPECTACULOSO! MY BEARD SAYS SO TOO!
EDWARDO AND SPANISH RUDOLPHO WERE PARTENERS.
ALL THEY DID INSTEAD OF WORK ON THEIR STORY WAS PLAY WITH HUGE YO-YO'S.
EDWARDO: BIEN! EL YO-YO ES GRANDE!
MUHODIUM HAD HIS HAIR COMBED AND WORE HIS BEST DIAPER TO SCHOOL. HE WAS ONLY 4 YEARS OLD BUT HE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE. ZUPARDUS WAS 46 YEARS OLD BUT HE WAS NOT OLD ENOUGH YET.
MISS BUNTHWARP: MY BONES ARE WET.
HUNGRY HUTHY: MY STORY IS CALLED THE WONDERFUL ISLAND OF DEATH, TORTURE AND KILLING.
THE CLASS STOOD UP AND CHEERED. THEIR HEADS TWISTED OFF AND THEY DRANK THEIR OWN SKIN.
A SOUR TASTE THAT IS MORE DELIGHTFUL THAN YOUR LEFT VENTRICLE
SETTING: FAT TOADS ARE CROSSING THE ROADS.
ROD-ROD: WHY ARE THEY WRINKLED?
YETI: THEY ARE OLD AND SOON WILL BE DEAD AND ROTTING IN THE EARTH YOU SICK CRETIN!
THEY ALL BEGAN TO WHOOP AND DRUMS BEGAN TO BEAT. SAVAGES ATTACKED THEM FROM THE BUSHES AND HALF OF THEM WERE DEVOURED BY THE CANNIBLES.
STICKY SAM WAS STUCK TO WILTING BUD WHO WAS SPYING ON SOME NINJAS IN A CAVE. THE NINJAS ARE PLOTTING SOMETHING.
THEY WATCHED AS THEY HUDDLED WHISPERING AND EVERY NOW AND THEN A NINJA WOULD STICK HIS HEAD UP AND LAUGH WRETCHEDLY.
WILTING BUD: DON'T NINJAS DO ANYTHING BUT PLOT?
THEY WATCHED FOR ETERNITY BUT THE NINJAS ONLY PLOTTED.
A FROSTY BOWL OF EXCITED SNOT RAGS
SETTING: NOBODY IS ALIVE.
RET-RET: LET'S GO TO THE BEE HIVE LAND.
THEY WENT THERE BUT THEY WERE AMBUSHED BY SENIOR CITIZENS AND WERE FORCED TO SURRENDER FOR THEY WERE FAR TOO POWERFUL.
SENIOR GRUNDIES: I AM THE LEADER OF SENIOR CITIZENS. WE WILL KILL YOU UNLESS YOU ANSWER THREE QUESTIONS. THE FIRST ONE IS WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GROUP OF FLACHALENT HOGS AND A DANCING BOOK?
SNICK McGWIRE: THAT'S EASY. THEY ARE SIMILAR BECAUSE NEITHER HAVE BEEN IN MY KITCHEN BEFORE AND THEY ARE CONGRUENT THEREFORE.
SENIOR GRUNDIES: THAT IS CORRECT. THE SECOND QUESTION IS HOW MANY SNEAKY BELLS ARE REQUIRED TO PERFORM THE MYSTICAL FOOD SUN?
GORGEOUS TIM:ANOTHER EASY ONE. BUT IF YOU TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION THE WIND VELOCITY AND THE REFRACTION OF LIGHT PASSED THE LINE OF BISECTION, THE QUADRANT SPECIFIED CANNOT BE ACCOUNTED FOR BY EITHER ISOMETRIC PATTERN.
SENIOR GRUNDIES: DON'T YOU MEAN THE VERTEX OF INNAGURAL EMANCIPATION?
GORGEOUS TIM: NO! THAT WOULD MEAN THAT THE FRACTION AND RATIO OF GEOMETRIC AND UNNATURAL SPECULATIONS ARE NONREALISTIC IN THE FORM OF RETRACTIONS.
SENIOR GRUNDIES: AHH! YES, NOW I REMEMBER. THE FINAL QUESTION IS WHAT IS THE EARTH'S MIDDLE NAME?
TICKLISH BILL: BERGA FAT BLUBBER MEAT.
SENIOR GRUNDIES: CORRECT. YOU WILL BE KILLED ANYWAY.
SO THE SENIOR CITIZENS KILLED THEM. BUT THE PALS DID NOT MIND BECAUSE THEY WOULD HAVE ROTTED THEIR BRAINS AND THEIR TEETH WERE ROTTING ANYWAY.
ALL I ASK IS TO BREATHE OUT OF YOUR DRUID MUG
SETTING: ALL OF THE PALS OWN TRAINS.
TODDY: MY TRAIN IS SNOTTY!
TODDY HAD BRIGHT RED HAIR THAT WAS DRIPPING WET.
MUHODIUM: SHUT UP!
MUHODIUM TIED HIS LEGS TO A TREE AND TWISTED HIM UP UNTIL HIS NEW NAME WAS GROOOOOO.
STICKY SAM: AH! I AM STUCK TO MY SKIN.
JIMBO-JIMBO: AHH! ME TOO!
ALL OF THE PALS: AHHH!! SO ARE WE!!!
THEY ALL TORE THEIR SKIN OFF AND HUNG IT ON THE LINE TO DRY.
SAMUEL McSNOBBY: WHEW! THAT WAS CLOSE.
THEY AGREED. IT WAS A CLOSE CALL.
SOMETIMES YOU NEED GLUE TO FOLD YOUR CHILDREN
SETTING: HOBBIES ARE FOR DORKS. THEY ARE BEATING THE SNOT OUT OF THESE NERDYS THAT ARE PLAYING WITH HOBBIES.
MUHODIUM: MY HOBBY IS KILLING PEOPLE WITH HOBBIES.
DRYING TICK: THEN 'YA BETTER KILL YOURSELF!
MUHODIUM SLICED OFF HIS LEGS AND BEAT HIS SKULL OPEN WITH THEM.
NASTALGIC ROACH: HEY! LET'S GO HURT THAT ONE KID THAT LIKES STAMPS.
GORGORATH THE DESTROYER: I LIKE STAMPS TOO. WHEN I STAMP ON KIDS HEADS!!!
THEY ALL CHEERED AND ZIPPED UP THEIR COATS. IT WAS A BIT CHILLY.
BUTT BONGOS: SLIPP aaaaahhh?
ZORPATAR: I AM REALLY AN OLD ALIEN FROM PLANET SUNNY BONES. WE ARE HERE TO LISTEN TO TAPES ABOUT HISTORY.
THEY BEAT THAT ALIEN SO HARD BECAUSE HE WAS A NERD.
DOWRIPPLE: RETURN FOR VICTORY AT THE SQUID FORTRESS!
WEB-WEB: NEITHER OF OUR FORCES ARE QUITE HEALTHY.
MICK-MICK: I KNOW. THAT'S BAD NEWS.
THEY THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE THINKING ABOUT.
ARUPTOR: ALL GATHER ROUND! 'TIS STORY TIME LADS!
ALL THE KIDS SAT DOWN ON THE RUG AND LISTENED TO ARUPTOR WIGGLE HIS EYES.
ARUPTOR: ONCE WHEN I WAS ORANGE AND PARTIALLY BLUE, I WON A BABY HIGY WOLG AT THE ATTENDENCE FAIR. THE ATTENDENCE FAIR IS FOR ALL THE GEEKS IN THE STATE WITH PERFECT ATTENDENCE TO GATHER ALL UP AND WORK ON THEIR HOBBIES. I FED MY HIGY WOLG UNTI L IT MUTATED INTO A CORN STALK. THEN MY LIFE WAS COMPLETE.
KIDS: YEAH! THAT WAS A MARVELOUS STORY OF AGE OLD MYSTERIES COMBINGING AND UNITING FOR A COMMON CAUSE TO REGENERATE AND SIMPLIFY THEIR ALGEBRAIC QUADRANTS!
MILK-MILK: I AM ACTUALLY A HOBBY MYSELF.
THEY ALL LOOKED AT HIM AND THEN LOCKED HIM UP IN A CLOSET AND BURNED IT.
A SLENDER MAN WHO LOVES ROACHES
SETTING: ALL OF THE PALS ARE AT A STORE. THERE IS A NEW TOY CALLED ACTION LUNCH.
TIMMY THE DONKEY: ACTION LUNCH, YEAH!
THEY SANG AND DANCED. THEY SPENT THE NIGHT AT THE STORE AND LIVED THERE FOR THEIR LIVES UNTIL THEY HAD OLD BEARDS THAT WERE ALL TIED INTO A MASSIVE BEARD.
BEARD-BEARD: MY BEARD CAN READ THE MINDS OF ALL THE BEARDS IN THE COMMUNITY.
LAZER LIPS: HEY WACKO! OUR BEARDS ARE NOT A COMMUNITY. SHEESH!
BEARD-BEARD: YES THEY ARE. THEY ARE ALL A FAMILY OF BEARDS.
HUGE ONION: YEAH? WELL MY BEARD IS SUCEEDING FROM THE BEARD FAMILY.
FROSTY BILL: HEY! YOU CAN'T. WE'RE ALL ATTACHED!
HUGE ONION TORE HIS FACE OFF WHEN HE TRIED TO WALK AWAY.
HUGE ONION: HEY! NOW YOU'RE STUPID COMMUNITY OWES ME A NEW FACE.
TWO HEADED SLOTH: YOU CAN HAVE ONE OF MY FACES. HE IS A JERK ANYWAY.
HUGE ONION: HEY THANKS!
RETURNING CHAMPS: YEAH! WE WON AND WE ARE NUTS FOR FREE KIDS.
THEY ALL BECAME PALS AND LIVED IN THE STORE FOREVER.
GROSS BLEEDING LIMBS THAT SUCK ON YOUR DIRTY BRAIN AND TEAR YOUR ORGANS OUT BY THE ROOTS AND PLACE THEM IN A MUG
SETTING: NOBODY CARES.
OK, THEN ITS DONE!
FINE!
JERK.